[Image credit: David Gutterfelder / New York Times]
President Trump’s holy warriors in the newly formed Extrajudicial Operations (EJO) unit showed their indefatigable spirit in Minnesota after narrowly avoiding a slaughter by a man, known as “Alex Pretti” to his fellow domestic terrorists, who was wielding a handheld communications device without permission.
Gregory Bovino – recently promoted to the rank of Lictor and tasked with overseeing EJO operations – hailed his brave commandos for stopping the assailant, who “wanted to do maximum damage and massacre law enforcement” with the communications device.
Notably, EJO agents discovered almost too late that, in addition to the handheld communications device, the terrorist was also abusing his Second Amendment right and carrying small pistol. The agents almost did not notice the pistol, given that the terrorist cleverly did not attempt to draw his weapon.
After righteously punching, kicking, and pistol-whipping “Pretti” in the head, EJO agents managed to prise the pistol from its holster and remove it from the scene. Unfortunately, even after removing the weapon, EJO agents had no choice but to shoot “Pretti” approximately 10 times from close range to remove any potential future threat.
Federal law enforcement officials have observed that carrying a pistol to a liberal protest is blatantly illegal. This highly illegal activity is not to be confused with the right to carry firearms to a conservative protest – a patriotic right enshrined in both the Constitution and the Bible.
Speaking with communist agitprop journalist Maria Bartiromo, FBI Director Kash Patel opined “You cannot bring a firearm, loaded, with multiple magazines to any sort of protest that you want. It’s that simple. You don’t have a right to break the law.”
After taking several minutes to assess the situation on the ground,1 Mr. Trump correctly condemned the cowardly Minnesota leadership of fomenting insurrection when they bemoaned the loss of this liberal domestic terrorist’s life. In doing so, Mr. Trump reaffirmed the words of the Gospel – namely that the right to life begins at inception and ends upon birth and/or affiliation with liberals, whichever comes first.
- Something that would have taken other, lesser presidents weeks or months to accomplish, and only then after a performative investigation wasting taxpayer dollars. ↩︎
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